Young caucasian girl. Red peter pan colored dress, short sleeves, she has a tattoo sleeve of a dragon going down her arms. Her hair is curly like Linnea of Those Dancing Days, but blond. She’s wearing chucks.
The whole band is ladies, and the rest are asian american. The rest of the band are wearing blond wigs, silver suits.
Front Lady: ANYTHING GOOOOEEESSS!!!!
Opening: Julian Cassablanca and the Empire of Grief.
It took me a while to settle on a story that has just enough intro and not enough backstory to bog you down.
Something fun.
Julian Cassablanca and The Golden EP.
“I’m scared, I’m so scared. How are you not scared?”
“Do you know what the difference between a horror story and an adventure are?
Levity with a great sense of humor, and context. I’m already hilarious, so let’s go find our context.”
Julian goes through his Batman journey at the beginning of the book. We hint at a ton of things within the first few pages. Then we start the story. There’s a crazy something going on. I have some ideas, but I want to flux this a bit and see what I get.
For sure the villain is someone who wants to live forever. Mr Moon? Or is he fake Simone? But Melody Vague is only hinted at here and there in this one.
I know that for sure Bowie will be in parts, but I think that Jules might have a sidekick for this one.
“You want to live forever? Be alone. Time drags.”
Governor Slieze stands before the crowd at a podium.
G: …which is why it is my great pleasure to bring to the stage our new Director, Professor blank.
The crowd looks a bit shocked.The professor walks out. As he’s talking there are flash panels to images he watched on a computer of his family being abducted in the night.
P: I know a greater lot of you are surprised to see me as your acting director on this project. I understand the implications of what we are doing. But I also understand the need for a gamechanger. For results.
Later
The solider speaks to him.
S: To be honest, I’m a bit dissapointed you’re here. Last year I attended a lecture on ethics you held.
P: My family. My wife and child… my daughter… were kidnapped amidst a cleansing. I was off world at the time…
S: … I’m so sorry…
P: No, I should be thankful that they are still alive, but for the life of me I cannot shake my anger. Someone still has them. And all sources lead to the rebels. So it is my duty to do everything in my power to fight them, in the hopes that I might see my family.
S: I’m sure the government is doing everything they can to track them down-
P: As they’ve assured me. But this is a war. We need to beat them so if my family doesn’t come back to me, they can’t do this to another. I don’t need empty promises, and heroism is the emptiest.
S: I wouldn’t speak so soon.
The two are standing in a viewing area where they’re watching the children in a “play environment,” they built. It’s basically a large park. A bully has left a young girl crying, and a boy with a black eye. Coming to their aid is SCOUT, our main character. A young 6 year old boy who wears a blue shirt, with a yellow star in the middle. He stands before them and the BULLY.
S:
It’s hard for me to figure out what stage he would be in when the book first started. If you give him too many flaws, it’s hard for him to be the kind of hero I was hoping he would be.
If you give him too few, he’s not interesting, I stick him in the, “Should die,” category.
He needs to be interesting.
My thought it was when he meets Melody Vague (our terminal event), he is scared. He knows she’s the love of his life. He absolutely knows it, but he runs. He runs because he doesn’t think he’s ready yet. I think this is a fantastically human trait.
He wants to sleep around a bit, he wants to meet new people, but he also thinks that maybe his heart isn’t ready to love again. Also, he doesn’t technically have his heart. So when he meets her, he runs off to grab it.
Julian is scared of Melody, he feels he hasn’t grown enough, and shouldn’t be in the relationship he’s ready to be in. So he runs. Most of the first arc/book is about him dealing with this, and then jumping into the wide unknown that is an adult relationship.
Nirosh, Spencer and Ben are arguing.
Spencer: Nirosh, we can’t form a megazord without legs.
Ben: Spencer’s has a point.
Nirosh: Exactly! That’s what I’m telling Treyvon! Tell him!
*He points in mid air.
G: Okay okay okay… RANGERS, look… did you take this to your immediate supervisor?
Nirosh and Spencer point at Ben, Ben Points at Gor’don.
G: Dammit. Okay, so I will look into the budget!! And I will be see if we can requisition funds for a new ranger, but I need you to go down to HR to get it cleared!
G: And Nirosh! We will be discussing this matter at your quarterly review!
1) Cold Open: Gat Scene - Noosh
2)Gordon Scene - Gordon Scene
-Establish our Zordon character
-Establish that it works like a company
-Start plotline for a new ranger
3)Beta HR -Noosh
4)Ann Intro -Tommy
-Dog died
-Leaves message for busy Ben, who’s working multiple jobs
-Introduce Katherine
5)Villain Introduction
-Introduce generals
-Create Magician
6) Beauty Pagent -Noosh
7)Ann finds the monster coming for her, and
Lobbyist: Look, this little retreat is for all of our new members. It’s to show you what we’re all about, and for us to show you what we’re about. Take your time, we’re not going to judge. Pick a room, that fits your fancy.
*He sees other notable senators going into rooms with children in S&M gear. He walks into a room with a couple of ladies walking out. Sits there for a bit, but you can tell he’s bored. Two of the other men in there with him and throwing things at the women, shouting, with food in their mouths. Another one just staring at them, leering.
*He walks out.
*he walks into a room, there doesn’t seem to be anyone in. A half naked man, Chippendales quality, is dancing about in the room. He sits down. Starts getting comfortable. He starts slowly smiling. He feels… oddly right.
Later.
Lobbyist: So you fall in line.
Lobbyist: If you were a man of integrity, we wouldn’t be in this position. It’s not my fault you had to have a family
H: Hey, I love them.
When someone dies, and I mean, not just everyday. Away from you. Out of sight out of mind. But when someone dies in front of you. Close to you. Within acting distance… it presents a fork.
The fork represents two different paths. Some people say it’s a defining moment, an explanation of who you are deep down. But I’d wager it an illusion. Its really a choice.
Do you get mad at the people and the reasons that person was killed?
Or do you war against the circumstances themselves?
PAGE
Panel
Black.
Simone
It’s a trope you see alot in movies. Television. Comics. Character at the end of their rope.
Panel
Focusing on a panel in a comic.
A close up on a panel, they’re crying, holding a dead body in their arms. Very much reminiscient of the classic Earth 2 Superman holding Supergirl in his arms. He cries into the night.
Hero
TAKE ME! I WILL TAKE HER PLACE!! WITHOUT HESITATION!
Panel.
Black
Simone
“Without Hesitation.”
PAGE
Panel
Simone walks out into the stadium. Lights everywhere, shining, hundreds of thousands in the stadium.
Panel
In front of her, the “Student Council.” Five of the most powerful magic users, they’ve studied and channeled each of their particular interests into magic. One wields a violin. Another a baseball bat, and wears a suit. Another
Last PAGE
Panel
Vision blurry, Simone looks at Julian.
Simone
Without hesitation.
Panel
Black.
Simone
… I don’t want to die!
Don’t get me wrong, I love comics. Big muscley super soldiery metaphors fighting nihilism, and concepts that only make sense when you’re this big.
Sorry buddy.
But it has it’s problems.
Spoiler alert, this is the issue where he comes back to life, and everything goes back to normal.
You don’t need to give up comics and wait a few years, slowly dying inside until you can finally enjoy them.
Which is why I gathered a crack team of dangerous, talented, and dangerously talented good lookers.
Its then we concocted a plan.
*Flash cut
“We steal the diamonds.” -Tommy
“why don’t we write comics.”
*tommy throws a knife. Guy falls down and dies instantly.
“that’s crack thinking, this melon’s going somewhere.”
*go back to him, caption: “he makes it.”
Americanized indie shonen jump-esque pulp adventure comics, harkening to an era where comics fought off randian hopeless archetypes.
We call it, “Shout Action! For adventure!!”
Now I know what you’re thinking. “indie comics!? It’s either sophnorically awful or hopelessly depressing.”
We’re neither. We grew up with a steady diet of Batman the animated series, and Pixar. When we got old enough we sharpened our edges on Weezer Pinkerton and the Arcade Fire. We’re the fans. We’re you, or you’re us!
We are particle pop.
Jump in.
NO NO NO, that’s Microsoft’s tagline.
Particle Pop.
Hi.
Hello Kickstarter, AND INTERNET.
Hi and how are you?
Now that the plesantries are out of the way, here’s the elevator pitch.
“Shout Action! For Adventure!!”
A return to classic comics magazines. Hopeful stories, pixar-esque, golden age inspired, with manga influences.
And here’s the kicker: it’s free.
Particle Pop, it’s free comic book day everyday.
That’s an idiots slogan, but it’s true.
However we’re not Japanese, and to that end can’t churn out a manga book every week.
Nor are we the slave driving big two. DC HIRE ME FOR SUPERMAN.
ANd we’re certainly not releasing yearly either.
No, we’re a gentle caressing release date, who nurtures you.
We’re releasing seasonally. Every season you get a new issue, with 40 pages of book.
To that end I’ve assembled a crack team. MUSIC GO.
*Pictures of everyone*
To make books literally made of internet crack, so enticing, compelling, and thought provoking, they end this sentence in it’s tracks.
I know what you’re thinking, “But I want to read these books NAOW.” This is where our focus on making new friends and building a community comes in. We want you to submit one page comics, dialogues, mini comics, stories that have to do with our books, or just your own ideas.
Also we want you to buy t-shirts. But that comes later, and they look awesome.
At the end of the day, we’re all just people, like you. What are you working on Sweetheart Diamond Police?
K:Bruce Banner, Tony Stark Fan Fiction.
*Point at the screen, wink, teeth sparkle*
We’re providing value, we’re building a brand, but most of all we’re asking you to join our community. Particle Pop.
Stooge
So, Doctor we have our new ethics teacher here for the subjects.
Stewart
Oh thank you so much. Your “gentle” fondling of this project is making it much easier for me to oversee.
Beat.
STOOGE
Ah, I take it you don’t like me, Doctor?
STEWART
I am extremely grateful that you have given my family and myself asylum. However, don’t take it personally, I’m not the biggest fan of our Government in any capacity.
STOOGE
Well Doctor, let’s not forget that you are a part of the Government now. And these gifts we’ve given you are so easily tossed aside.
STEWART
… What’s the name of the ethics teacher
STOOGE
Recently promoted Major Thomas Manstrong.
The scenario is Julian and Melody both get caught up in an accident in the floating castle of the Monarchy of Grief, and they were both called there because the King and Queen, wanted to set them up.
J: Hey guys! Um… This is a total mistake, I don’t know why I’m here. I’m here to see a friend.
Guard: YOU’RE HERE BECAUSE YOU HAVE BROKEN HEARTS, AND YOU HAVE A BROKEN HEART. YOU HAVE BROKEN THE LAWS OF MAGIC AND USED YOUR POWERS TO THIS END.
J: I CAME HERE TO SEE A FRIEND!
Julian is in a room with Mr. Moon.They’re both chained with their arms behind their backs. On a higher level, in front of them, is a glass window for viewing, with two guards behind it, talking through an intercom. It’s almost like a surgery viewing room. But for firing squads.
NOTE: Mr Moon is basically a villain from Simone. Simone’s ex, a twisted emotional manipulator, who thinks that making girls feel as bad as he did during his first break up is the only way to make them better people. SO he makes himself into the dream guy for any girl, only to break their hearts.
MM: Julian Cassablanca, as I live and breathe.
J: Moon.
MM:I heard you had become quite the lady killer.
Julian is trying to ignore Moon.
J:Hey if it’s all the same to you, I’d prefer to get shot in peace.
MM: You sure you don’t want to talk shop? One heartbreaker to another?
Julian is close up to the guards.
J:HEY! GUARD-Y DUDES? Can I get another firing squad?
We see a backed up shot where Julian is floating above the ground.
J: Please?
MM: Oh Jules, don’t be that way. I just wanted to know what you did to Simone.
Julian puts his head down in dissapointment. He charges at him, screaming.
He’s promptly thrown into another cell. His shirt’s a little ripped, and he has a black eye with a bleeding lip.
J: Thank you so much! But also, can I talk to the King? I’m telling you this is…
M:…A HUGE MISTAKE.
Behind him, Melody vague, is floating, almost doing the same thing he did, to another guard. He looks up at her, and recognizes her. FLASHBACK. (To him seeing Melody years ago.)
__________
J:How Liz Lemon are you?
M: What kind of question is that… The MOST Liz Lemon.
K:Hey, you two actually have alot in common. Fun fact, neither of you are connected to fate.
M: No way! How did it happen to you?
J: Freak accident, glitch in reality. Terrible first date conversation.
M: Oh so we’re on the same page about what this has become?
J: As long as you tell me how you’re not connected to fate?
M: Buy a girl a drink first!
J: How many?
M: As many as it takes to kick it out of me.
Q: Get a room!
K: Hey guys, fun story too… sorry, we’ve been a little unorganized today. As it turns out, we were kind of burglarized.
J: What’d they take?
K: So as you know, we here at the Monarchy of grief help people overcome their sorrow. Then on the off chance that they don’t, we can take their hearts, and hold onto them until that person is ready to take it back on.
Q: As we did with you two.
They turn and look at each other.
J: Really?
M: You two?
*They turn back, stare at the King and Queen, and comically give each other a high five without looking at each other*
K: You two see where this is going?
J: I’m an adventurer archetype. Two fisted. I solve problems with these.
*Points to his muscles… which aren’t very impressive*
M: Yeah, Adventurer/Rogue type. Sci-fi. Time Traveler.
*Points to her camera, which is also her time machine, and also points to the goggles around her neck*
Q:… Your hearts. It was a heart heist.
J and M: WHAT?!
Julian Cassablanca, you’re here?
Moon.
Ha! i’d heard you’d become quite the heartbreaker.
Excuse me, can I have another firing squad?
It’s not a firing squad!
Fate’s got it out for you buddy.
Why?
*Kiss*
Because of that. I’m your future girlfriend Jules. Find me.
*She uses her camera to dissappear in time*
What…
*Simone Apples walks out*
Julian! There you are sweetheart, the bathroom line was horrible. We’re going elsewear.
WHAT?!
My mom will never come up again in this story. We had our time together, I grew up. I still call her from time to time, and have a talk about how life is. But she’s an outside observer. A foil, if you will.
Growing up my mom raised my on a steady diet of conservative television personalities and Jesus. As I grew up, reason won out to fanaticism.
We had a big fight once. She tried to convince me that a certain major able news network was trying to save us all with the truth. I tried to explain that no matter how loud you yelled an opinion, it doesn’t make it truer. I didn’t leave the house in a puff that night. I didn’t even leave for another year. But it set me on a path.
To me, it was never a fight about good VS evil. To me, it’s about fear VS hope.
And to me, the only option is FEAR.
Batman uses it. My mum responded to it. BWA HA HA!
But no, in case you can’t read sarcasm, I’m a hope kind of gal.
Gotta disagree. Partial-Truth bomb. Only effective using Internet logic. Can be slightly effective IRL but only because in truth, girls and guys date all the wrong people in this endless serendipitous cycle of cosmic heartbreak. =)
Hey Noosh, it’s your buddy Tommy.
You’re kind of wrong on this one. Mantha had to catch it for me, and we really need to talk. But what you’re saying is kind of a smoke screen pal.
And there is truth to be said that someone on the outside has a better view of things, but this isn’t always the case. Relationships, love, romance, these are all things that need to be experienced first hand.
People don’t date the wrong people, they’re just not ready. And it’s not an endless cycle of cosmic heartbreak as much as it’s preparing us for future successes. Also if we’re going to get a bit further into it, I’d almost say it isn’t so much about the wrong person as it is the wrong time.
People change, it’s as base a rule of living as your can get. Just because someone isn’t ready for a relationship earlier in life with a person, doesn’t mean they won’t be perfect for each other later.
Also, somebody might be perfect for you now, but might change into someone you can barely recognize.
Either way, point is, we’re having a phone conversation, pick up your phone.
Melody has no heart. It was taken by… Something.
The different magics are fractured and can’t affect each other. If you’re a hero in adventure, you’re not a hero in mystery.
“we can make it work.”
At last
Brace yourself for exposition.
Two accidents.
*Melody and Julian Floating in, staring at each other, completely infatuated with one another. The is sparkling*
The world produces alot of people, and Julian Cassablanca’s singular purpose was to die. His entire life he was set up for failure, death waiting on his shoulder at all times. Until fate figured out how to use him. Julian became a sacrificial lion.
Melody vague, however, was born an anomaly. From trimester one she had no connection to fate, no strings leading her where to go.
*There needs to be an image of her walking through a park, and tons of people with spirit like strands connecting to the sky.*
Fate, afraid of what this could mean also marked her for death, but due to her unpredictable nature, this was a bit hard to pin down.
**
Jules, don’t look! You can’t look at me yet. I’m your girlfriend from the future.
Here. I need you to find me.
And that set him on a future that irrevocably change the world.
Dude, are you giving an establishing introductory monologue?
Unlike you, I’m still connected to fate! I didn’t even realize!! Jules, Mel, this is bad. Somethings happening. Jules are you…
Oh no… vibrating…
*Melody smiles*
*Then winks and points with a gun finger at his crotch*
*Julian winks back*
*The two stare at each other infatuated*
JULIAN, YOU ARE PULSATING. FOCUS.
Right right… my heart… Dude, it’s the
EMPIRE OF GRIEF is here with a matter regarding your heart Julian Cassablanca!
*Giant castle is floating over San Francisco having just come out of what I can only describe as “warp.”
It has been a while since someone in the industry has said something that has completely irked me in every conceivable way.
What better way to alienate your core audience, while also making your company look weak and yourself look petty, all in one fell swoop.
And I wish enough comic book fans cared to read his statement, so they could see how much of a lumbering jackass he was. Also, I wished anyone cared enough to read this, but that is a whole other matter entirely.
Mr. Stephenson. There is no double standard. For our favorite stories, I still hold out hope they become films or television series. I have been hoping from day one that “Fell” would become the next big cop drama.
It’s absolutely okay for a writer (hell, even a businessman such as yourself) to aspire to have your intellectual properties become motion pictures or even television series. But when every single one of your books has become a 30 page pitchman, that is a problem.
And by the way… Avengers was a dream come true. We got to see our first cinematic crossover team of some of our favorite childhood heroes. It is absolutely okay for us to cheer it on, because when Stan Lee or Steve Ditko or some other third guy was writing these characters for Marvel, it was with the intent to tell good stories. And while the comics have strayed from that these days, the movie WAS a good story.
If you want to tell a good story, tell it with the intent of telling a good story, and bring some pride into writing for the Comic Book Industry.
Class System
The class system defines who these people are. Each of them get an item assigned to them which represents their class.
Adventurer - Compass
Detective - Badge
Rogue - Switchblade
Mentor - Staff(?) Patch
Champion -
Token -
Genres
Emblazoned on each item is a symbol, which states the genre they have jurisdiction over.
Two Fisted (Adventure, Action, Fantasy) - Two fists crossing each other.
Sci Fi (Space, Time Travel, Technology)
Western -
Noir - Crime, mystery,
Horror - Monsters
Hi, do you mind giving me a ride up there?
_________________________________________________
Leader: Does anyone know why we’re going after Julian Cassablanca?
Crowd: Is it because he’s fuckin’ awesome?
C: NO ONE SHOULD BE THAT AWESOME!
C: YEAH! Yeah…??
Crowd: Is it because he’s dating some bitch and the boss doesn’t like her?
C: Wait I thought he was single!
C: He IS single!
C: But straight
C: AWWWWWW.
C: Is it because he’s dangerous?
L: WE’RE dangerous.
C: But he took down that giant heavy metal thor!
C: And he saved San Diego from sinking! WITH HIS BARE HANDS!
C: Not to mention when he saved
Computer console worker: Sir, we have a break in the intrusion proximity alarms. There’s something headed for us fast.
Leader: Not right now, shields up to maximum.
CCW: No, but sir, it’s…
Leader: STOP! We all know he’s really cool. And honestly, if he wasn’t our enemy, I’d love to meet him. But look… his very existence threatens the fabric of reality. He threatens fate, the strings that bind us all together, and guide us to our destinies. That’s what he’s our enemy, and that’s why we need to stop him.
CCW: SIR! TOO LATE! HE’S BREAKING THROUGH!
Leader: Who?
CRASH!!
Julian Cassablanca crashes his biplane through the hull of the ship, standing on it’s wreckage, still stuck in the ship.
Julian: HI! Hey, guys, look, I really need a ride up to that floating castle.
They all pull out swords. Julian jumps down, and pulls two glowing swords out of nowhere.
Julian: Okay, well before we do this, where is the ships deck?
Julian is laying in bed.
He’s giving a monologue about waiting for love. “Sometimes things just fall out of the sky!”
Or, Scott Pilgrim-esque, comedic, “I AM SO ALONE!” Moment.
He runs from table to table, grabbing papers, and setting them on fire. He’s talking to his assistant.
They’re genetically diverse, genetically malleable, raised on a planet rot with weather changes, some of the most dangerous creatures gathered from around the universe, and as close to the sun as we could push them.
And they’re ready.
We have already begun marketing them for military applications.
*Loud cheers from the audience, but the Professor doesn’t seem to be happy.
Now on to other matters, there seems to be a string of chronal disturban…
Professor
Look at what they’ve created. We’ve brought them to life, and they’ve brought all of this culture.
That’s the problem with our government. They want to use them as a weapon. They HAVE been using them as weapons.
They had us genetically encode them. That’s what we’ve been doing this whole time, don’t you see? So it would be easier for us to abduct them. Innately they’re always looking for something better, so of course they’d just jump right into our arms.
But not this one.
I want you to remember that when you’re recovering in the hospital.
*He knocks him out, and shoots him in the shoulder.
There are these people.
Naturally charismatic, they can sway people with words or actions. Fate puts their cross aires on these people. Because if you trained them… if you put them before a cause, and if they truly believed it, put their minds to it… nothing would be able to stop them.
*He punches a hole through the villain.
*As they’re on an elevator*
Hey TITTYBALLS, what’s wrong?
Even though he tried to kill me. And murder my grandma. And he kidnapped the princess…
I’ve never had a father.
He pushed me to be stronger than I ever thought I could. Without him what will I do?
Look you don’t need him, and the princess is waiting for you.
It’s just… I was 14 not too long ago. When I meet her… everything will change.
… Lifes an adventure.
He goes into the room.
I’m sorry, you defeated a copy, your princess is in another castle.
I just… I don’t know. One day you’re going on the first date, and before you know it you’re thinking about a life together, and dreading her saying no when you try to ask her to go steady. Because it’s so hard trying to find someone. You’re dating, hitting land mines, and a few false alarms and duds, before it explodes straight in your face. And I’m kind of a quirky guy.
Well that’s totally obvious! But it’s sweet, it’s why we liked you. Jules, you totally could have mentioned her!
I just… y’know… I didn’t want to drudge up the past. Y’know…y animosity or bad feelings.
It’s just it’s hard being a quirky guy, and that’s not the only reason I’m here.
Julian Cassablanca… Why are you here then?
*She’s being held upside down by a rope.
I kind of need my heart back.
*Titles*
He’s been tearing up the criminal underworld. Meeting with exgirlfriends, making shady deals with those he’s hooked up with… someone has his heart, and he needs.
Why?
Duhhh. For you.
Everyone has a Simone. Everyone has a genesis. But she was so much more than that. And I’m so much more than her.
In this episode we discuss three books! The books are Defenders #1: written by Matt Fraction and illustrated by Terry Dodson, X-Club #1:written by Simon Spurrier with art by Paul Davidson , and Red Lanterns issue #4:written by Peter Milligan and art by Ed Benes/Rob Hunter.
With so many good issues like Action Comics, Animal Man, and Swamp Thing, it was hard to find a bad book to look into…until we came across Red Lanterns. In the episode we go over the sleaziness of the entire group of defenders, how seductive atrocitus is in Red Lanterns, and how a rating system based around smacking booties may just be perfect.
Out latest episode. Please, please please listen.
AAAAAND, our second new episode.
The Second part of a two-part episode for Fury of Firestorm #3 and Fantastic four # 600. This second half is completely focused on Fantastic Four 600 written by Jonathon Hickman, and art by Steve Epting, Carmine Di Giandomenico, Leinil Francis Yu, and Ming Doyle.
The issue like this episode was very long, 100 pages! So we dissect this issue, and some of the things we discuss are Noosh’s fascination with Magneto, how Namor is a scumbag, and how Black Bolt talks like a cheating boyfriend!
Download this portion of the episode here:
Out latest podcast.
The first part of a two-part episode for Fury of Firestorm #3 and Fantastic four # 600. This first half is completely focused on Fury of Firestorm #3, written by Ethan Van Sciver and Gail Simone, with art by Yildiray Cinar.
This covers the picnic-loving villain, the crappy one-liners, and the realistic expression one would have upon hearing shocking news(like the fact that your mentor is selling an ultra-powerful superpower to other countries). Featuring our good friend Joshua Russel.
This episode is continued on the next post…
Download this portion here:
You know who to call in an emergency. You know who to call when a burgular breaks into your house. When there’s something strange in your neighborhood, you know who to call.
But who do you call when your heart breaks?
The come back kids.
The pick me up parade.
The Slut Party.
“I’m old fashioned.”
“You’re old fashioned because you’re not hot. You’re not hot because you don’t think yourself hot, and you manage to cover it up with all of this. You can look classy, intelligent, and worth a damn without looking like a cat lady. Next you’re going to tell me she said she was…”
“An old soul.”
“…
…
GOD DAMMIT.”
For Julian Cassablanca, this was the period he would remember as “post-simone.” For everyone else, this was known as the unfortunate year everyone thought it was cool to wear Domino masks.
He Bruce Wayne’d his way around the world, and went from the emotional frontman who threw himself into the ocean, jumping the career rails to hero.
*Julian walks is walking through the snowy New York streets, freezing to death comically covered in jackets, while everyone else stares at him.*
You’ve come seekxing answers. Cassablanca, you are… an anamoly. In a number of ways. There are NO rules concerning you. You’re making sweeping moves.
*Julian blowing gigantic skull thors head off in detroit
*blowing up a gigantic zeppelin over New York
*Pulling a sword out of a stone in San Francisco
You’re bringing magic INTO this world.
Great men set paths. They dig deep and get their hands dirty, and the waves wash upon them as they stand at the front lines ready to receive and perceive them. To define their age. Because great men become slaves to their age. They labor for their age. And the best of them, rebel against their age.
Who are you Julian Cassablanca?
The kid without strings.
The heartless wanderer.
The Black Emperor of the West Indies.
BIG FUCKIN’ DICK IS MORE LIKE IT!
That’s not what your mom said… oh wait… IT WAS.
YOU FUCKIN’ ASSHOLE! I WILL NOT LET YOU GET AWAY WITH THIS! YOU HEARTLESS MOTHERFUCKER! I WILL COME BACK!
Blah blah blah, if you strike me down I’ll come back stronger… calm down Obi Wan. And have some fun for gods sake.
This whole fantastic world is
The best thing is that he doesn’t know what he’s doing. But he’s doing good.
Julian is sliding down at high speed a slippery glass surface. He shoots
He stands up to the villain. We turn to his back, and we see shards of glass in his ass. He’s bleeding. But he’s ignoring this. It’s very comical.
Melody… I’m sorry…
NO! JULIAN! You can’t die! This is a very embarassing way to die! I’ll never be able to live this down! AND YOU’LL LOOK SO STUPID! PLEASE DON’T DIE!!
Time moves programmed. Strictly progressing from cause to effect with emotion being the pay off in between, and hope the water that keeps this slip and slide continuing.
But it’s…. shallow.
The world is on a track, it’s people on strings so thick you can trace them their every action.
In this world free will is a detriment. Making me a liability.
And I’m alone. The world fits like like lego bricks, and I just can’t click. When I get close to people, I start inadventently shaking the strings free. It’s a feeling so unnatural people steer away from me.The last thing she said to me before leaving is, “Everyone needs help. We just don’t know it until it’s too late. It’s not too late.”
And I never saw her again.
Julian lays in his bed on the internet, clicking. And clicking. And clicking. He goes from one site, to another site, to another site, back to the first site, in a matter of seconds.
He looks like he’s on the cusp of tearing up, and breaking down. But he doesn’t. He holds it all in.
Looking over at the city from the top of a letter on the Hollywood sign, Simone and Julian sit.
S: Y’know, I realized after it hurt that… everyone needs help. I though it was beneath me.
J: I always be there to help you out.
Later, the scene changes, they’re a bit older, and Simone is yelling at Julian.
S: You can’t always fuckin’ hold all of your feelings back. Sometimes you need help. But you’re fuckin’ Julian Cassa”fuckin”blanca, you don’t need anyone I guess! If you can’t share it with me, who the fuck can you share it with?
J:…
S: You’re… you’re holding back on purpose. You don’t want to let it all ou… I’m so fucking stupid. You’re saving yourself. Because you don’t think we’ll work.
J: You… you d-don’t know everything! Why do you always have to play the detective?
S: Because it’s who I am… and I thought with you, I wouldn’t have to…
Simone, slightly stiff, stares at Julian, teary eyed. Julian is absolutely shocked.
S: It wasn’t ever me. It w- wasn’t me.
She slightly caresses the side of his hair. And stumbles a bit, Julian goes to catch her, but she puts her hand on his chest and stops him.
S: No… I… God dammit. Why the fuck wasn’t it… no. No… Julian, bear with me, I’m trying to keep positive- it’s just taking me a bit. Just ask for help. *breathing deep, closing eyes* Just ask for help.
They run through the crowds like splashing through walls of water. Julian Cassablanca, and Melody Vague.
M: What are you doing?! We can’t just sneak in!
Julian jumps a fence. On the other side Melody looks at him.
The two are separated by a gate. He stares at her, and smiles. Then tons of sirens and men in uniforms pop up. There are flashing lights everywhere.
M: “Who are you?”
Julian looks shocked.
J: “You… you haven’t met me yet?
Alerts going off like crazy. Red lights flash, snow whirls around an industrial space station interior.
T: “The day I left for the military, he told me…
P: ‘Something says everything. You want to keep your individuality? You remember that.”
T:The stars in her hair.
T:The shirt he got from that garage sale.
T: The bow tie inspired by Doctor Who.
T: Something says everything. And everyone needs to say something.
NOW.
Thom lays on the snowy ground, eyes blankly staring, losing life every second. His hands in front of him, and we focus on his upper body from breast level. His finger twitches.
The first time I saw snow… staring deep into manufactured environment malfuction, the unknown. Like the first time I saw a black hole.
THEN.
The Impossible Astronaut
Amy: Is showing signs of pregnancy. Already been captured by the silence.
Doctor 1: Appears driving a car 1103 years old and dies.
-Has trouble with wine.
-Wearing the coat
-Supposedly has viking funeral, body is burned.
Doctor 2: The Doctor almost directly from the end of the Christmas Season.
-909 years old.
-Doesn’t know who River is.
Rory: Still alive.
River: Doctor 1 knows who she is, Doctor 2 doesn’t. Amy and Rory unaware of who she is.
Astronaut 1: Kills Doctor. Is NOT River.
Astronaut 2: Is young River Song/Amelia Pond.
I don’t have to assure you I’m real.
Regardless these chains?
They won’t hold me.
One girl pointing a gun at another girl who’s pointing a gun at a boy tied up, right next to some train tracks.
The train WOOOSHES by.
“Drop it Doe Eyes.”
“No FUCK YOU. You saw it didn’t you? You had the fuckin’ goggles.”
“The strings? Yeah… I did…”
J: Hey, can I go home now?
both: NO!
J:Dammit…
“What the fuck am I supposed to do in the face of all that? It’s not like I have a choice anyway. BUT my strings have loosened. And if I kill this kid now with those strings so loose, maybe I can change something.”
I always like these subtle jabs Marvel and DC make at each other. These subtle yet painstakingly obvious jabs. For instance, DC comes under attack from fans at comic con, because it comes up that they don’t feel they hire enough women, or take care of their female characters (and admittedly there’s strong evidence of that, that not even Gail Simone can be an argument against). So Marvel prominently features Sara Pichelli, artist on the new Ultimate Spider-man, heavily to stick it to DC.
So like any respectable comic fan, I flocked to pick up and read Justice League #1.
Now far be it from me to infer what Geoff Johns was thinking (or smoking) when he was writing Justice League #1, but if I’m being honest? It feels less like a John’s book and more like a parody of Bendis team book. Y’know… John’s doesn’t usually reference alot of mainstream pop culture. Like Transformers. And reading that line felt completely out of place, in every single way.
Also, he usually has a far better grasp of his characters. The only character that seems to be moderately acting like himself is Batman. And even then, when put up against Hal Jordan (who’s jackass knob has been tuned to eleven), he acts like a sad old man, who really doesn’t have his place next to a hero like Hal Jordan. I’m sure this is probably intentional to set up one of those, “OH MY GOD BATMAN’S A BADASS MOMENTS,” later, so I’ll take that argument back.
Now the obvious argument is, “Well this IS a new universe.” But that’s a limp excuse, and one that will anger fans because if they’re not going to have the history we all remember, they should at least act like the characters we all have grown to love. Not assholes wearing their skins.
Sigh… I didn’t like it.
So Justice League #1 totally sucked. And it wasn’t just for the facepalming Transformer line. And it wasn’t just for the stupid crack that “Darkseid,” sounded like a band.
Dammit Geoff. Dammit.
It read less like a DC book, and more like a Bendis Avenger’s title… holding up a billboard of embarrassing pop culture references to your face.
” —Me, this entire damn day.